February 25, 2002
July 3, 2002
And I'm Losing my Faith
Well, I said I would make an announcement today on my Xanga blog, and I am. I think a lot of people may already know or have noticed this as i've been saying this is so for about half a year now. Anyways...
I am no longer a "Christian".
I have been questioning my faith since about highschool, when I started to wonder why God would send people to hell. After all, that's a pretty mean God that punishes people eternally simply for questioning things or not being the way one book says he should be--a book that has lots of mistakes, cruelties, hypocrisy, and obscurities. No other gods in history were so cruel as to punish for small things--sometimes they had gods over them, such as the god of war or sex or lies and trickeries.
And now, looking at people I know and speaking to them and having religious debates--for I have always been inquisitive and questioning--I have to say that my questions, while not answered, are not pointing towards the religion I was raised in. I've lost that faith.
Religion has done a lot of damage to the world. It's caused wars, holocausts, pain, suffering, and torture. A god who says that you have to either kill or forcibly reform people in order to make him happy is a cruel god. He doesn't want us to have sex, or lie, or other minor things, but he gave us the capability and the power--and in some cases, the urges. And yet we're supposed to deny our nature and struggle? I don't think that's the way of God--unless he's some person who gets his jolies from putting others in pain.
I can't say I don't believe in a god. Or even gods. I currently consider myself Pagan Agnostic Apatheistic Deist. I don't know what's up there, or how many. But I don't really care and if they are up there, they most likely aren't that worried about the little things I do.
I know some people reading this are probably thinking that I'm only going to stay this way for a few years, and then return to a faith. Or maybe I'm just having a crisis of faith. But at this moment, I don't know what it is and frankly, I probably may never know. I just know what my soul and mind are telling me, and they're both telling me that condemning people because of how they believe is not in any way positive.
So that's it. That's how I feel. I don't think Jesus was more than a man at best and a myth at worst, and while I believe of gods, I don't believe in the Christian one. Maybe things will change, and maybe they won't. But I can't change the way they are now. I have my own belief, and I think tha'ts much better than being told what to believe.